okay so I have to tell you about the pie that made my mom cry.
not like, sad cry. happy cry. the kind where she’s standing in my kitchen holding a fork and goes “where did you learn this?” and I had to admit it was a total accident.
it was maybe three summers ago. my nephew’s birthday party, I’d promised to bring something dessert-y, and I completely spaced until like the morning of. classic me. I had cream cheese, a jar of peanut butter I’d been hoarding, and some instant pudding that had been sitting in my pantry since probably the Obama administration.
I figured — whatever. let’s see what happens.
what happened was THIS PIE.
and honestly? I’ve made it so many times since then that I don’t even measure anymore. I just kind of know. which is either impressive or concerning, I haven’t decided.
but look — I wrote it all down for you. measurements and everything. you’re welcome.
Contents
why this pie works
no oven. none. zero. you just mix stuff together and the fridge does the hard part while you scroll Instagram or watch TikToks or stare at the wall. whatever you need.
it tastes like a Reese’s cup got a little more serious about life.
the texture is somewhere between mousse and cheesecake, which sounds weird but is actually the best thing that’s ever happened.
you can make it the night before and it somehow gets better overnight. I don’t understand the science. I don’t need to.
people always think you worked harder than you did. this is the goal.
ingredients
| Ingredient | Amount | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Graham cracker crust | 1 pre-made | store-bought is fine, I literally always use store-bought |
| Cream cheese | 8 oz block | leave it out to soften, or microwave it 15 sec at a time if you forgot like I always do |
| Creamy peanut butter | about ¾ cup | do NOT use the natural kind, it goes weird and oily |
| Powdered sugar | maybe ½ cup, maybe more | taste it — you’ll know |
| Instant vanilla pudding mix | one small box (3.4 oz) | grab the small one, I’ve grabbed the big one by accident, it’s a lot |
| Cold whole milk | 1½ cups | cold matters here |
| Cool Whip | one tub (8 oz), thawed | not frozen, please |
| Chocolate sauce | a drizzle | optional but honestly why would you skip this |
| Crushed peanuts | a small handful | totally optional, adds crunch |
okay, let’s actually make it
Beat your cream cheese first, in a big bowl, until it’s smooth. like really smooth. no chunks. I use a hand mixer because I’m not beating cream cheese with a fork like some kind of pioneer. this takes maybe two minutes.
(side note: if your cream cheese isn’t soft enough, it will NOT mix smooth no matter how long you beat it. ask me how I know. my first batch had these little white lumps throughout and I served it anyway and just didn’t mention it. it still tasted good. but still.)
Add your peanut butter and powdered sugar and mix it all together until it looks like the inside of a peanut butter cup. thick. a little glossy. very tempting. this is when I always eat some with a spoon. can’t be helped.
Whisk your pudding mix into the cold milk in a separate bowl. it takes about two minutes of actual whisking — not lazily stirring, real whisking — until it starts to thicken up. it won’t be fully set yet. that’s fine. you want it pourable.
(important: don’t walk away from this. I went to check on my dog mid-whisk once and came back to something with the texture of a stress ball. just stay. it’s two minutes.)
Fold the pudding into the peanut butter mixture. gently. then fold in about half the Cool Whip. the word “fold” is doing a lot of work here — you’re not stirring, you’re folding. lazy, gentle, swooping. you want it airy. if you mix it too hard it gets dense and loses the whole fluffy thing.
Spread the filling into your crust. smooth the top with a spatula or honestly just the back of a big spoon. dollop the rest of the Cool Whip on top however you want. I go for casual swoops. mine are never Instagram-perfect. they’re fine.
drizzle the chocolate sauce. add the peanuts if you’re using them.
Refrigerate for at least 4 hours. overnight is better. seriously. I know you want to eat it immediately. I always want to eat it immediately. wait.
tips + things I’ve learned the hard way
- use full-fat everything. I tried to lighten this up once with low-fat cream cheese and fat-free Cool Whip and the whole thing tasted like sadness. just use the real stuff.
- the peanut butter brand matters a little. Jif or Skippy work great. the natural, separated, “just peanuts” kind does not. it gets greasy and weird. I’ve been burned by this more than once.
- you can add a layer of chocolate ganache on the bottom of the crust before you add the filling. just melt some chocolate chips with a splash of cream, spread it in, let it firm up in the fridge, THEN add the filling. next level. my sister does this and I’ve never forgiven her for being more creative than me.
- make it the night before if you’re bringing it somewhere. it sets up perfectly and you’re not scrambling the morning of. (see: nephew’s birthday story above. learn from my chaos.)
storage + the real talk about leftovers
cover it with plastic wrap or just put the whole thing in a big zip-lock bag if it’s in a pie dish. keeps in the fridge for about 4 days.
real talk though: I have a whole shelf in my fridge that is just mystery containers. things I’ve made, things I’ve saved, things I’ve labeled wrong or not at all. last month I found a covered plate that I was SURE was leftover stir fry and it turned out to be half a pie. lol. honestly that’s a better surprise than stir fry.
so: label your stuff. I always forget. you’ll probably forget too. it’s fine, the pie is still recognizable.
nutrition facts (approximate, per slice — serves 8)
| Nutrient | Amount Per Slice |
|---|---|
| Calories | ~385 kcal |
| Total Fat | 24g |
| Saturated Fat | 10g |
| Carbohydrates | 35g |
| Total Sugar | 23g |
| Protein | 8g |
| Sodium | 290mg |
| Fiber | 1g |
these are estimates. your numbers will vary depending on brands, how generous you are with the chocolate drizzle, and how many spoonfuls you eat while assembling. which I cannot calculate for you.
FAQs because people always ask me these
can I use crunchy peanut butter?
you can, yeah. the texture of the filling won’t be completely smooth but honestly it adds a little something. I like it. my mom doesn’t. she picks around the bits like they personally offended her. so: depends on your audience.
what if I don’t have Cool Whip?
you can whip your own heavy cream to stiff peaks and use that instead. it actually tastes better, I think. it’s just more effort and I’m usually not in a heavy-cream-whipping kind of mood. but if you are — go for it.
can I freeze this pie?
yes actually! wrap it tight and freeze it for up to a month. let it thaw in the fridge overnight before serving. it comes out a little denser but still really good — almost like an ice cream pie situation. ugh, now I want to try it frozen. brb.
my filling looks lumpy, what did I do wrong?
almost definitely the cream cheese wasn’t soft enough. or you mixed the pudding in before it had a chance to thicken even slightly. either way — if it’s lumpy going in, it’ll be lumpy in the final pie. if the lumps are small, just go with it and don’t tell anyone. if they’re big, honestly you can try blending the filling real quick before adding the Cool Whip. saved me once.
